she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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