He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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