if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
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At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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