There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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