at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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