Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
