Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
