glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
