They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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