So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
