smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
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... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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