watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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