i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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