I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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