I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
