found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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