Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.