I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
19 Doctors Confess The Most Difficult Situation They’ve Ever Had To Face
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.