STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.