I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.