fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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