As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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