i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
