Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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