Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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