I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
