You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
