You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
