It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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