i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
