Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
