I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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