so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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