You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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