His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
