I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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