new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
