In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
