Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
