I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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