I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
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We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
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Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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