just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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