where am i from again
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We had to coat check the pizza.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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