He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
