I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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