That's intense
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
