sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
