Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
