I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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