I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
