There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
