connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
