eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
