My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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