....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
it's like heaven, but drunker
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
