ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
