yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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