maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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