for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
MIDGETS
????
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
