In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
