You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
