Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
