He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
