Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
