That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
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The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
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Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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