So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
